E-Mode 9 · The Axis of Harmony

At a glance

The Existential Axis of Harmony

The Existential Axis of Harmony takes shape when, in the early years of life, a child develops a particular attention to the realm of connection, emotional stability and living together in balance. This Axis is linked to the desire to live in an environment where relationships flow calmly, where there is room for encounter and where it is possible to inhabit one's bonds with peace and a sense of belonging.

In this way, Harmony becomes an organizing axis of existence: a way of organizing life experience around the desire to preserve unity, create peace in relationships and inhabit the world with an integrating, reconciling presence.

Childhood context

Exploring the childhood context helps us understand more deeply how certain traits develop from an early age. Many of the behavior patterns we see in adults are rooted in childhood experiences and family dynamics. Understanding the context in which our early way of facing existence was established helps us understand how we face situations and challenges today.

Peacemaking children

From an early age, a child with E-Mode 9 tends to stand out for their calm, peaceful nature and their desire for harmony in their surroundings.

• They are relaxed and friendly, and try to avoid conflict and tension.
• They tend to sidestep difficult situations, and prefer comfort and quiet.
• They may be prone to procrastination and less emotionally expressive.
• Their self-esteem is often tied to avoiding conflict and being accepted by others.
• They feel more satisfied when they are recognized for their kindness and their willingness to give in for the sake of peace.
• They may find it hard to express their own needs and wishes.
• In social situations they are cooperative and adaptable, and avoid confrontation.
• They are often seen as natural mediators who try to keep the group in harmony.

From Fear

What a person with E-Mode 9 thinks (Perspective), feels (Affective) and does (Effective) in the Fear dynamic.

Reference character: Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)

Perspective · ThinkFrom Fear

What do they think?

Driven by the fear of being ignored, overlooked or losing harmony in their relationships, they may have recurring thoughts aimed at avoiding conflict and keeping the peace:

• Avoiding conflict: “If I avoid conflict, I can keep the peace and harmony.”
• Self-minimizing: “My opinions and wishes probably aren't as important as other people's.”
• Merging with others: “It's easier and less trouble to go along with what others want.”
• Passive resistance: “If I don't want to do something, I can do it slowly or just not do it.”
• Conformity: “If I go unnoticed and keep going, things will be fine.”
• Unconcern: “There's no need to worry or stress; things will work themselves out.”
• Immobility: “It's safer not to act than to risk a mistake or a conflict.”
• Denial: “If I ignore a problem, maybe it will go away.”
• Emotional disconnection: “If something doesn't really move me, I don't have to do anything about it.”
• Serenity: “Being calm and content is more important than getting what I want.”

These thoughts can lead to a kind of complacency or stagnation, in which they avoid personal growth and confrontation.

Affective · FeelFrom Fear

What do they feel?

The fear of conflict and of disconnection from others can give rise to a range of emotions that they tend to avoid or minimize in order to keep inner and outer peace and harmony:

• Anxiety: worry about the possibility of conflicts or tensions that might disturb their inner peace or their relationships.
• Irritation: they may feel anger, but they usually suppress it or express it passively to avoid confrontation.
• Discomfort: confrontation or change makes them uneasy and pushes them to restore normality as soon as possible.
• Apathy: as a defense against what is uncomfortable, they may become apathetic or indifferent to challenges.
• Contentment: a certain satisfaction at avoiding conflict and keeping relationships friction-free, even at the cost of their own needs.
• Resistance: to change, if it disrupts their comfort zone or the stability of their surroundings.
• Disconnection: they may disconnect emotionally and withdraw into their inner world when they feel overwhelmed or undervalued.
• Desire for union: they seek connection and merging with others so as not to feel isolated or separate.

These emotions reflect their deep desire to keep inner peace and avoid dissonance. Their challenge is to learn to face conflict in a healthy way, to recognize and express their needs, and to take an active part in their own life, instead of only taking refuge in comfort.

Effective · DoFrom Fear

What do they do?

Their fear is of losing connection with others, of bonds breaking. That fear can translate into behaviors aimed at keeping the peace and harmony, often at the cost of their own needs and wishes:

• Avoiding conflict: they make every effort to avoid confrontations, even ignoring important problems or holding back their opinions.
• Adapting: they align with other people's wishes to keep the peace, disconnecting from their own values.
• Difficulty deciding: they freeze when faced with choices that could cause disagreement or discomfort.
• Passivity: they resist change or breaking out of routine, even when it no longer satisfies them.
• Procrastination: they delay tasks to avoid uncomfortable situations or possible tension.
• Downplaying problems: they minimize their own needs or problems so as not to be “a bother.”
• Seeking comfort: they prefer settings and dynamics that offer comfort and avoid disruption.
• Rejecting confrontation: they give in easily or withdraw from tense situations so as not to create conflict.
• Inaction: they stay still in the face of decisions or changes, waiting for everything to sort itself out.
• Complacency: they accept mediocre situations for fear of disturbing the apparent balance.

These behaviors are a defense against the perception that conflict is threatening and disruptive. Through integration, they can recognize and value their wishes, face conflict in a healthy way and express themselves with greater clarity and confidence.

From Trust

What a person with E-Mode 9 thinks, feels and does in the Trust dynamic.

Perspective · ThinkFrom Trust

What do they think?

When they live their Axis from Trust, their thoughts reflect greater self-awareness and a more active involvement in life:

• Personal worth: “My opinions and wishes are valuable and deserve to be expressed and taken into account.”
• Proactivity: “I can take the initiative and make positive changes in my life and my community.”
• Commitment: “It's okay to commit fully to my relationships and projects; my presence has a meaningful impact.”
• Conscious action: “Action is necessary and beneficial; I can act in line with my values without losing my peace.”
• Balance between peace and growth: “True peace comes from living authentically and facing life's challenges, not from avoiding them.”
• Authenticity: “When I'm authentic and genuine, relationships and activities are more satisfying.”
• Personal responsibility: “I'm responsible for attending to my own needs, not just other people's.”
• The value of conflict: “Conflict isn't necessarily destructive; handled well, it can lead to deeper growth and understanding.”
• Emotional connection: “Connecting with my emotions and with other people's enriches my life and my relationships.”
• Present and future: “I can plan and work toward the future without sacrificing my enjoyment of and involvement in the present.”

These thoughts reflect a maturity in which they find the balance between keeping the peace, inner and outer, and taking decisive actions that reflect who they are. Integrating means embracing life with all its complexities and challenges, and acting true to themselves.

Affective · FeelFrom Trust

What do they feel?

Their emotions reflect a healthy balance between inner peace and active involvement in the world:

• Self-acceptance: they feel comfortable with who they are, and accept their strengths and weaknesses without self-criticism.
• Serenity: a genuine inner peace, not as avoidance, but as a calm acceptance of reality.
• Emotional authenticity: they allow themselves to feel and express genuine emotions, even when they are not pleasant.
• Confidence: in their ability to face difficult situations and express themselves clearly.
• Affirmation: clarity about their values, and consistency in acting on them.
• Awareness: they recognize their own needs and wishes, and feel they deserve to attend to them.
• Compassion: their inner peace translates into genuine compassion for others.
• Motivation: a drive to grow and evolve, moving out of complacency and inertia.
• Connection: deep, meaningful bonds, based on equality and mutual respect.
• Joy: in everyday life and in their relationships, appreciating life as it is.

They take on efficiency, focus and a desire for development without losing their ability to sustain harmony and balance. They are more present, committed and active in building a full life, aligned with their ideals of peace and unity.

Effective · DoFrom Trust

What do they do?

Their actions reflect greater self-assertion and active involvement in the world. They can:

• Express opinions and wishes: they communicate their needs and opinions clearly and directly, without sidestepping conflict.
• Make decisions: they take an active role in deciding and stand by their choices, even if others disagree.
• Face conflicts: they deal with them constructively, looking for solutions that benefit everyone involved.
• Act proactively: they get involved in activities that interest them and take the initiative instead of staying passive.
• Be present: they take full part in their relationships and tasks, both emotionally and physically.
• Prioritize self-care: they make time for themselves, recognizing that their wellbeing is essential to being able to care for others.
• Set boundaries: they set and keep healthy boundaries, so that their own needs are respected too.
• Seek inner harmony: they cultivate a peace that comes from alignment between their actions, their values and their authenticity.
• Foster equality: they make sure everyone is heard and valued, as a genuine and effective mediator.
• Grow: they take part in activities that challenge them to step out of their comfort zone and push them to develop.

They balance their natural desire for peace with the will to grow and take an active part in life. They are more assertive, more authentic and more connected with their wishes, which lets them build themselves from fullness and a real presence in every area of their life.

From Fear to Trust

The integration process for E-Mode 9 begins when they stop acting, feeling and thinking from fear, actively working on their fears and exploring new possibilities, and start doing so from trust. In this way they enrich their way of facing existence and begin to show positive traits of E-Mode 3 (efficiency, healthy personal ambition and proactivity), which they usually did not develop or did not stimulate enough. They open up to greater self-expression, a focus on goals and a real appreciation of their own needs.

Integration is, therefore, the process through which a broader range of competencies, skills and resources is acquired to build a fuller, more authentic existence.

Perspective · Think

Perspective: from Fear to Trust

To move toward integration, it helps them to make shifts in thinking that foster self-awareness, assertiveness, active involvement and full commitment to their own life:

• From passivity to action: from “It's fine as it is” to “I can make changes to improve my life.”
• From complacency to self-expression: from “I don't want to cause trouble” to “My voice and my needs matter.”
• From accommodation to authenticity: from “I'll do whatever others want” to “It's important that my wishes are respected too.”
• From merging to individuality: from “I have to blend into other people's needs” to “It's okay to have my own path and follow it.”
• From avoiding conflict to healthy confrontation: from “Conflict is dangerous” to “Conflict can be an opportunity for growth and connection.”
• From inertia to motivation: from “I can't change things” to “I have the power to make positive changes in my life.”
• From denial to acceptance: from “If I ignore a problem, it doesn't exist” to “Facing a problem is the first step to solving it.”
• From minimizing to validating: from “What I feel isn't a big deal” to “My feelings are valid and deserve attention.”
• From disconnection to presence: from “I don't really care either way” to “I want to be present and engaged with my life and my relationships.”
• From doubt to confidence: from “I'm not sure what I want” to “I trust my ability to know myself and make good decisions.”

These new thought patterns help them feel more connected with their wishes and values, and to become the protagonist of their own life. This leads to greater personal satisfaction and more authentic, meaningful relationships.

Affective · Feel

Affective: from Fear to Trust

To work with their emotions in favor of integration, they can try:

• Emotional recognition: identifying and acknowledging their emotions instead of numbing or avoiding them.
• Emotional expression: practicing the healthy expression of emotions, even when they are not positive: talking with friends, going to therapy or channeling them into art or writing.
• Constructive confrontation: facing problems instead of avoiding them, understanding that confrontation can be a path to growth and resolution.
• Tolerating discomfort: increasing their capacity to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, for example by taking part in debates or tackling tasks they usually avoid.
• Assertiveness: learning to express themselves respectfully and to stand up for their wishes without sacrificing their wellbeing to keep the outward peace.
• Self-exploration: setting out to discover what they really want and value, beyond other people's expectations.
• Breaking out of inertia: recognizing when they are in complacent or immobile mode, and setting concrete goals to move out of that state.
• Presence: mindfulness practices so as not to “switch off” in their routine.
• Emotional balance: balancing care for others with self-care, giving themselves the same value and attention.
• Celebrating achievements: recognizing their progress and allowing themselves to feel pride and satisfaction in what they have achieved.

In this way they can live more authentically and connectedly, and their desire for peace and harmony becomes a full expression of themselves, not just the absence of conflict.

Effective · Do

Effective: from Fear to Trust

Behaviors that promote self-expression and active involvement, with a clear focus and concrete actions to reach personal goals:

• Expressing needs and wishes: communicating them openly and clearly, even if there is a risk of disagreement or conflict.
• Deciding: practicing firm decisions and acting on them, without postponing or passively delegating.
• Facing conflicts: dealing with them directly, understanding that they can strengthen bonds and foster growth.
• Active involvement: engaging with commitment in their social, work and personal life, moving from spectator to protagonist.
• Conscious presence: being fully present in the here and now, to live with more awareness and connection.
• Self-care: prioritizing their own wellbeing, recognizing that you can't care for others without caring for yourself.
• Boundaries: defining and keeping clear boundaries to protect their time, their energy and their emotional wellbeing.
• Confronting inertia: identifying the tendency toward stagnation and taking concrete action to overcome it.
• Self-affirmation: standing up for their values and beliefs with conviction, even if they are not always accepted.
• Personal growth: seeking experiences that challenge them to step out of their comfort zone and support their development.
• Goals: starting with small, achievable goals and gradually moving toward bigger challenges.
• Action plan: putting together a plan with concrete steps and set deadlines to reach their goals.
• Feedback: asking for feedback to improve their performance and strengthen their connection with others.

These behaviors help them balance their desire for peace with the need to be an autonomous, expressive person: building authentic relationships, attending to their own needs and contributing meaningfully to the world around them.

Levels of integration

Disintegrated

Denial and dissociation. They defend the illusion that everything is fine and resist facing their problems. They become depressed, ineffective and apathetic. They may dissociate and deny reality, shutting themselves off from anything that might affect them, and appear desolate and dazed. At the extreme, they close in on themselves and may even fragment into sub-personalities to sustain an apparent inner peace.

• Effective: denial and dissociation; they defend the illusion that everything is fine and resist facing problems.
• Affective: desolate and dazed, they may become completely numb and fragment into sub-personalities to keep up the illusion of peace.
• Perspective: a completely closed perspective that resists anything that might affect them; stubbornness and closed-mindedness to avoid being questioned and ending up giving in.

Semi-integrated

Conflict avoidance and complacency. They begin to avoid conflict to preserve their peace of mind, which may lead them to agree with others even when, inside, they don't want to. They may become indifferent and self-indulgent, and organize their life to minimize any disturbance. They become resigned and placating: they downplay problems, live with a stoic attitude, suppress anger and cling to illusions.

• Effective: they avoid conflict through complacency, agreeing with others to preserve their peace of mind; they become resigned and placating.
• Affective: indifferent and self-indulgent, they minimize the impact problems may have on them.
• Perspective: they downplay problems and cling to illusions, trying to keep their peace of mind at any cost.

Integrated

Inner peace and active involvement. They free themselves from the belief that their involvement doesn't matter and find a true connection with themselves and with others. They reach the inner stability and peace of mind they seek, and become serene, dynamic and present. They are naturally gentle, sustain a stable harmony, inner and outer, and are generous and encouraging. They create and sustain spaces of peace, and mediate conflicts with patience and good sense.

• Effective: active involvement in reality; serene, dynamic and present in their relationships with others.
• Affective: inner stability and peace of mind without displacing themselves, seeking inner and outer harmony.
• Perspective: a patient, firm and sensible perspective; they develop a clear, consistent personal opinion that stays open to dialogue.

C-Modes: C8 and C1

C-Modes (complementary modes) influence and nuance the characteristics of each person's E-Mode, creating greater variety and richness in behavior. They are the E-Modes on either side of one's own: if someone has E-Mode 9, their C-Modes are 8 and 1.

Understanding C-Modes helps explain the wide range of behaviors that people with the same E-Mode can show. An E-Mode can show positive and negative traits of one or both C-Modes, only the negative ones, only the positive ones, or a combination.

Effective triad

The three triads group the E-Modes according to the dimension in which their way of facing existence is mainly anchored: the effective (action), the affective (emotion) and the perspective (thought).

E-Mode 9 belongs to the effective triad: it covers the vital, instinctive drives that help us assert our “territory,” such as anger. It focuses on action, instinctive reaction and the relationship with the physical environment, and tends to be practical.

• Focus: action; control and resistance.
• Seeks: autonomy.
• Underlying feeling: anger, although they tend to deny it.
• Aggressiveness: tends to suppress it and turn it inward, or to express it in passive-aggressive ways.

Integration and disintegration strategy