E-Mode 4 · The Axis of Identity

At a glance

The Existential Axis of Identity

The Existential Axis of Identity takes shape when, in the early years of life, a child develops a special attention to building their own identity, to authenticity and to what is singular. This Axis is tied to the natural wish to know oneself, to explore who one is and to assert oneself in the world through a distinct personal presence, with one's own characteristics and forms of expression.

In this process, the environment offers spaces and experiences where individual expression is valued and supported. The child begins to build an experience that shapes their identity: they recognize what feels like their own, what gives them a sense of belonging and what sets them apart in the way they feel, think and act. This awakens a search aimed at understanding themselves and taking their place in the world in a way consistent with that developing identity.

In this way, Identity becomes the Axis that holds their existential experience together: a way of organizing life around affirming one's own identity and unfolding one's uniqueness.

Childhood context

Exploring the childhood context allows us to understand more deeply how certain traits develop from an early age. Many of the behavior patterns we see in adults are rooted in childhood experiences and family dynamics. Understanding the context in which we first set the way we face our existence helps us understand how we face situations and challenges today.

Children who want to stand out

From an early age, a child with E-Mode 4 tends to show a unique sensitivity and a deep connection with their emotions.

• They are often creative, imaginative and expressive; they enjoy artistic exploration and look for ways to set themselves apart from others.
• They may feel misunderstood if their individuality is not recognized.
• Their self-esteem is tied to their sense of uniqueness and authenticity.
• They feel most satisfied when recognized for their originality, and may pull away from situations they see as too conventional or conformist.
• They tend to experience intense emotions and may be more prone to sadness or melancholy.
• They can be very sensitive to criticism and easily hurt, which sometimes leads them to withdraw emotionally.
• In play and social interactions they may stand out for their wish to be special and unique.
• They are drawn to activities that let them express their uniqueness, such as music, painting or writing.

From Fear

What E-Mode 4 thinks (Perspective), feels (Affective) and does (Effective) in the Fear dynamic.

Perspective · ThinkFrom Fear

What do they think?

From Fear, they may have thoughts that reflect their inner struggle to find a unique and meaningful identity. Some examples of the inner narrative:

• Inadequacy: "I'm not good enough." They feel they lack something essential that others seem to have.
• Comparison: "If only I were more like other people…" Although they value their uniqueness, they also long for the qualities they see in others.
• Being misunderstood: "No one really understands me." They believe their emotions and their true self are too complex or deep for others to understand.
• Lack: "I'm always missing something that would make me whole." A persistent sense that something undefined and essential is absent from their life or from themselves.
• Expression: "I should be able to express who I am more clearly." Frustration at not being able to show their inner identity in a way that feels authentic.
• Meaning: "My life should be more meaningful." The wish to live a life that reflects their values and their aesthetic sense.
• Dissatisfaction: "Why can't I be happy with what I have?" A struggle with chronic dissatisfaction and comparison with others.
• Isolation: "I'm destined to be alone because I'm different." A sense of alienation from seeing themselves as unique.
• Intensity: "My feelings are more intense than other people's." The belief in the unique depth and intensity of their own emotions.

These thoughts show the rich emotional life of E-Mode 4 and their search for an authentic identity, but they can also be a source of suffering when they feel misunderstood or disconnected from others.

Affective · FeelFrom Fear

What do they feel?

From the fear of not having a meaningful identity, or of lacking something fundamental, they may experience intense and complex emotions:

• Melancholy: a deep sadness over what they perceive as missing from their life or their identity.
• Envy: the painful feeling that others have qualities, achievements or possessions they want for themselves.
• Longing: a yearning for something indefinable that they believe would complete their sense of identity.
• Dissatisfaction: chronic discontent with their current situation, with the belief that something better or more meaningful is "out there".
• Emotional distress: suffering from feeling misunderstood or from not being able to fully express their true self.
• Frustration: at not being able to reach the ideal life or self they long for.
• Disillusionment: when reality does not match their ideals or expectations.
• Self-pity: a tendency to feel sorry for themselves for seeing themselves as different from or separate from others.
• Anxiety: worry about the possibility of never finding their true identity or their place in the world.

These emotions reflect E-Mode 4's inner conflict between the search for an identity of their own and the fear of never being able to fully express themselves or be fully recognized in their uniqueness.

Effective · DoFrom Fear

What do they do?

From Fear, they are driven by the fear of lacking identity or personal meaning, of not being unique or special. They may show these behaviors:

• Excessive introspection: they spend a lot of time immersed in their inner world, analyzing their emotions and trying to understand their identity.
• Intense emotional expression: they express their emotions vividly and often dramatically, seeking to be understood and appreciated for their emotional depth.
• Social withdrawal: at times they pull away from others to protect their sense of identity, or as a way to draw attention to how different or special they are.
• Envy: toward those who seem to have a clear identity or a life they see as fuller or more authentic than their own.
• Search for significance: they strive to create a meaningful, distinctive identity, often through art, fashion or self-expression.
• Melancholy: they harbor melancholy and longing for an idealized identity or a life they do not have.
• Idealization and disillusionment: they idealize situations or people that seem to promise understanding and meaning, but quickly become disillusioned when reality does not live up to their ideals.
• Comparison: they compare themselves with others and often feel they lack something compared with what others have or are.
• Authenticity: they seek authenticity and can be very self-critical if they feel they are compromising their own individuality.
• Fear of abandonment: they fear that, if they are seen as ordinary, they will be abandoned or rejected.

These behaviors are attempts to manage the fear of not having a meaningful identity and to sustain an image of being special and unique in a world they perceive as demanding sameness.

From Trust

What E-Mode 4 thinks, feels and does in the Trust dynamic.

Reference character: Mafalda (Mafalda)

Perspective · ThinkFrom Trust

What do they think?

When they live their Axis from Trust, their thoughts reflect self-knowledge, acceptance and balance:

• Authenticity: "It's OK to be who I am, with all my shades and colors."
• Objectivity: "I can observe my emotions without being swept away by them."
• Self-worth: "I value my contributions and my presence in the world, even if others don't always recognize them."
• Resilience: "I have the inner strength to get through hard times and learn from them."
• Positivity: "There is beauty and meaning in everyday life, and I choose to focus on that."
• Perspective: "Intense emotions are passing and don't define my whole existence."
• Empathy: "Others also have their own story and depth, and I can connect with that without losing myself."
• Inspiration: "My experiences and my sensitivity are a source of inspiration and creativity."
• Aspiration: "I aspire to express myself authentically, without forcing myself to be different from others."
• Accepting reality: "I accept things as they are, not as I'd like them to be, and work from there to create meaningful change."

These thoughts keep the introspective nature of E-Mode 4, but with a turn toward stability and self-acceptance, which lets them be more centered and connected with their surroundings.

Affective · FeelFrom Trust

What do they feel?

Their emotions reflect greater emotional balance and wellbeing:

• Balance: emotional stability; the ups and downs are less extreme and more manageable.
• Authenticity: the sense of living true to their own identity, without needing to dramatize or idealize their experience.
• Gratitude: appreciation for life and its experiences, both the challenges and the joys.
• Compassion: for themselves and for others, recognizing their shared humanity.
• Creativity: emotions that fuel productive creativity instead of self-pity or fantasy.
• Joy: in daily activities and in connection with others.
• Resilience: emotional strength to face challenges without withdrawing or feeling overwhelmed.
• Objectivity: they can see situations more objectively, without overidentifying with their emotions.
• Connection: a sense of belonging and connection with the world and the people around them.
• Acceptance: of reality as it is, and of their own emotions without judging them too harshly.

They find serenity and authenticity to express their individuality in a healthy, productive way. Their emotions align with their authentic self and with the reality of the world around them, which lets them relate to others more effectively and empathetically.

Effective · DoFrom Trust

What do they do?

Their actions reflect the best of their characteristics and a harmonious relationship with their emotions:

• Productive creativity: they use their imagination and sensitivity to express themselves through creative means, in constructive and shared ways.
• Authenticity: they live true to themselves, without needing to exaggerate or dramatize to draw attention.
• Emotional equanimity: they manage their intense emotions without being overwhelmed, with a balanced perspective.
• Empathy: they offer understanding and compassion to others, recognizing and valuing each person's uniqueness.
• Inspiration for others: they show how emotional sensitivity can be channeled in positive ways.
• Self-improvement: they focus on improving and growing, recognizing their flaws and working on them without destructive self-criticism.
• Resilience: they find strength in their individuality and face adversity with courage and determination.
• Social connection: they build deeper, more meaningful relationships, balancing their need for uniqueness with their need for connection.
• Gratitude: they appreciate what they have and find beauty in simple things, without feeling deficient or incomplete.
• Consistency: they keep their commitment to tasks and projects, with discipline and a steady work ethic.

They become a force for genuine, meaningful self-expression, offering the world their own perspective without getting lost in melancholy or envy.

From Fear to Trust

The integration process of E-Mode 4 begins when they stop acting, feeling and thinking from fear, actively working on their fears and exploring new possibilities, and start doing so from trust. In this way they enrich the way they face existence and begin to show positive traits of E-Mode 1 (calm, connection with reality and self-discipline), which they usually did not develop or nurture enough. They move toward the effective instead of taking refuge in the affective, and can better tell reality apart from a subjectivity shaped by their emotional states or reactions.

Integration is, therefore, the process through which a wider range of competencies, skills and resources is acquired to build a fuller, more authentic existence.

Perspective · Think

Perspective: from Fear to Trust

Shifts in thinking that foster emotional stability, objectivity and connection with others:

• From lack to abundance: from "I'm always missing something" to "I appreciate what I have and who I am."
• From envy to inspiration: from "Others have what I don't" to "I can draw inspiration from others to grow."
• From melodrama to serenity: from "My life is an emotional whirlwind" to "I can find peace and balance in my life."
• From forced authenticity to naturalness: from "I have to be unique and different" to "Being myself is enough."
• From withdrawal to participation: from "I withdraw when I feel misunderstood" to "I seek meaningful connections and communicate openly."
• From intensity to stability: from "My emotions have to be intense to be real" to "I can experience my emotions in a balanced way."
• From individualism to community: from "Nobody understands me" to "I can find common ground and similarities with others."
• From feeling to action: from "My feelings dictate my actions" to "I can act productively, however I feel."
• From dissatisfaction to gratitude: from "Nothing is good enough" to "I find satisfaction and am grateful for what I have and what I've achieved."
• From self-criticism to self-acceptance: from "I'm not enough" to "I accept myself, in all my facets."

Recognizing their thoughts and reframing them in these new ways lets them feel more grounded and at peace with themselves and their surroundings, which supports their integration and personal development.

Affective · Feel

Affective: from Fear to Trust

To work with their emotions in favor of integration, they can try:

• Emotional recognition: recognizing and naming their emotions to better understand their inner states and not be swept away by them.
• Emotional regulation: techniques such as meditation, deep breathing or mindfulness to better manage the intensity of their feelings.
• Healthy distance: observing their emotions from a certain psychological distance so as not to overidentify with negative or dramatic moods.
• Inner validation: cultivating an inner source of validation instead of constantly seeking it outside, accepting their emotions without judging them as good or bad.
• Constructive expression: constructive outlets for their emotions, such as art, writing or open, honest conversation.
• Empathy: understanding other people's emotions to strengthen bonds and feel part of a shared humanity.
• Facing envy: recognizing envy or the sense of lack and consciously turning it into inspiration for their own development.
• Resilience: building emotional resilience to recover more quickly from setbacks and disappointments.
• Balance: seeking a balance between their rich, complex inner world and the needs and realities of the outer world.
• Gratitude: focusing on what they have and on the positive in their life to counter the tendency toward melancholy and dissatisfaction.

In this way they gain emotional stability, feel more connected and satisfied with their life, and their tendency toward isolation and self-pity lessens.

Effective · Do

Effective: from Fear to Trust

Behaviors that can help:

• Acting objectively: not letting emotions fully control their actions, and making decisions based on calm, reasoned reflection.
• Group activities: fostering connection with others through community or collaborative activities, to reduce the sense of isolation.
• Realistic goals: working toward achievable goals, which give a sense of accomplishment and purpose.
• Gratitude: recognizing and being thankful for the good in life, instead of focusing only on what is missing or out of reach.
• Constructive feedback: being open to constructive criticism to gain a more balanced view and improve their self-concept.
• Constructive creativity: channeling their emotions and sensitivity through art, writing or music.
• Self-discipline: setting routines and structures that temper the tendency toward drama and self-indulgence.
• Positive outlook: identifying and valuing the positive aspects of themselves and their life, to improve their self-esteem and emotional wellbeing.
• Empathy: working consciously to understand other people's emotions and needs, to build healthier, less self-centered bonds.
• Self-acceptance: accepting their own flaws and limitations without judging themselves harshly.

These behaviors help them feel more grounded and less at the mercy of their shifting emotions, leading them toward a life with more stability and fulfillment.

Levels of integration

Disintegrated

Self-destruction and despair. They may come to reject others and themselves, trapped in a cycle of hatred and self-contempt. Repressed anger can lead to depression, isolation and apathy. They despair at not being able to reach their fantastical ideals, and may sabotage the good things in their life or even turn to self-destructive behavior as a way out.

• Effective: rejection of others and of themselves; dramatization and victimhood; isolation.
• Affective: repressed anger; depression and apathy.
• Perspective: trapped in a cycle of hatred and self-contempt; a depressive outlook from unrealized idealizations.

Semi-integrated

Individualism and melancholy. They begin to fear that their shifting feelings and their creativity will not be enough to sustain them. They may become more romantic and individualistic, intensifying their emotional states through imagination and fantasy. They feel unique and not properly appreciated; they make themselves unreachable and test others to confirm their interest. They may become self-indulgent and less productive, longing to be rescued or to escape the demands of everyday life.

• Effective: they test others; they become unreachable.
• Affective: they intensify their emotions through imagination and fantasy.
• Perspective: a deficient perception of their worth and identity.

Integrated

Self-knowledge and creativity. They overcome the belief that they are inherently flawed, which lets them focus more on life and on personal authenticity. They discover and embrace their identity, and express it creatively. They are introspective and sensitive, with strong self-awareness, and use their creativity to communicate their feelings and impressions in ways that can have a universal impact.

• Effective: a more objective focus on reality; shared creativity.
• Affective: sensitivity; a serene reconciliation with themselves and others.
• Perspective: a singular, objective and communicable view of themselves and of reality.

C-Modes: C3 and C5

C-Modes (complementary modes) influence and nuance the characteristics of each person's E-Mode, creating greater variety and richness in behavior. They are the E-Modes on either side of one's own: if someone has E-Mode 9, their C-Modes are 8 and 1.

Understanding C-Modes helps explain the range of behaviors that people with the same E-Mode can show. An E-Mode may show positive and negative traits of one or both C-Modes, only the negative ones, only the positive ones, or a combination.

Affective triad

The three triads group the E-Modes according to the dimension in which their way of facing existence is mainly anchored: the effective (action), the affective (emotion) and the perspective (thought).

E-Mode 4 belongs to the affective triad: it covers the emotional qualities that allow us to relate to other people and feel connected to them. It has to do with emotions, empathy and self-image.

• Focus: their own and others' emotions; relationships and personal identity.
• Seeks: attention.
• Identity and hostility: deep down they know their identity does not express who they really are, and they react with hostility when it is not valued, to divert the attention of those who might question or underestimate it.

Integration and disintegration strategy